Thursday, December 4, 2008

an old blog post, to get the wheels in motion

Duct Tape Bandit and Other Worthless News

Before I ramble about the amount of worthless news on popular news sites, here is my disclaimer:
Worthless news makes me angry. I do, however, read it (or stumble upon it) quite regularly and continue to read it as I follow link after link, after link, to more ridiculous "news" stories. Someone is getting paid to write about the things of no importance that I read when I am avoiding the job I get paid to do. At least they are doing their job, right? And if I'm not laughing about how stupid the people in the stories are, I am probably honestly laughing because it's funny.

When I actually had a use for my car before I moved here, I listened to NPR's Morning Edition quite regularly--so the news was abbreviated into the few things that were pertinent and the entertainment was left up to A Prairie Home Companion, Writer's Almanac and Car Talk. Since I have moved to Seattle, there has been little or no use for my car, and consequently no radio. My apartment (which is quite modest and leaves much to be desired--like hot water, for example) has left me with just enough money to support bad habits and drinking festivities...leaving nothing for a TV, cable or internet. Aside from the fact that I am 3-4 days behind the rest of the world, my computer is now completely obsolete (unless I am getting a few bars from "Office54g"). Most of my news-reading now comes from my work computer when I am so bored that I am willing to sift through msnbc's website, or when my Mom calls me from Illinois because she has been woken up by an earthquake and I laugh at her until I get a call from Max saying the same...then I may pick up a newspaper and catch up on my worldly news. 
So I guess all of this rambling is supposed to be leading to how angry I get at the pointless and unimportant news that is so thickly spread on most news sites that I can't seem to find actual important information. It took me a good 5 minutes to find out the primary results for Oregon--and I knew what I was looking for! Instead, the list of stories that follow the top news consist of things like "Stowaway scorpion stings young girl at Wal-Mart". Yes, the stories are really stupid, but if they come with a video I can't help but watch it. I am pretty sure that most of these videos are the result of locating the closest person to the so-called incident that has the worst grammar or the best "gangsta slang". Take this video of the "duct tape bandit", for example. It could only get better if he had followed every sentence with the word "son". 

"Look at me, do I look like a duct tape bandit, son?? I ain't no duct tape bandit, son."

He should've taken the owner's advice and put a plastic bag over his head instead.

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